Is ADHD Even Real and How Do I Care for My
ADHD-Labeled Child
You are in the grocery store checkout line, the mall, or even at
church when, out-of-nowhere, a little person darts by you. It’s him, you know
the kid–the one jumping off the wall and bursting with energy who just can’t
seem to sit still. You think to yourself, “oh no he didn’t….he needs to sit his
little tail down” or better yet, “if that was MY child, there is absolutely NO
WAY he would act like that.” But what if it IS your child? What if it’s your kid
who has the apparent behavior, attention, or hyperactivity issues? Despite all the efforts that you know to
employ, including everything from threats, to “whoopings,” to negotiations and
outright bribery, the behavior persists. What a frustrating place for a parent
to be! The parent often has few real answers and too many unsolicited opinions.
ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is one of the most
commonly diagnosed disorders among American children (1). However, this
diagnosis presents some unique and challenging issues for Black children. Unfairly,
their hyperactivity is easily viewed through racist lenses and often misinterpreted
as somehow violent, deviant, or to be expected. No wonder many African Americans resist having
their children diagnosed and labeled with ADHD. We understand the real consequences
for Black children who don’t “fall in line.” Their behavior whether age
appropriate or not, is more quickly demonized and/or pathologized.
However, the worst thing we can do for seemingly inattentive or
hyperactive children may be to lower our standards or do nothing at all. I have
often heard adolescent clients say, “I have ADHD, Ms. Christina, you can’t
expect me to act right.” My response is almost always, “Oh yes, I can…Moreover,
I expect every responsible adult in your life to model what is expected, set
high standards, give consequences when appropriate and create conditions for
success.” We owe our children enough
respect to discipline them, love them, and encourage them. We have a generation bound to hold us
responsible for what we did not give them. I am not referring to material good,
we often overwhelm in this area, but rather the deeper lessons like
self-control, character, hard work, and reverence.
Comments like “ADHD isn’t real” (while I understand the sentiment)
demonstrate a common misunderstanding about what a diagnosis really is. A
diagnosis is ONLY a set of criteria that you either meet or you don’t. ADHD is
only a name given to a certain grouping of behaviors which occur together. ADHD
is debated from a variety of perspectives and I am sure you have your own
opinion. Common opinions and research findings range from genetics, nutrition,
culture, and parenting deficits. The truth is there is legitimacy in all of
these positions. However holding fast to only one, while neglecting the others,
can be harmful.
Here is the uncomfortable truth. One of the reasons doctors
prescribe medications when there is a natural treatment alternatives to a disorders
is because people are resistant to change. We want to do what we want to do. Period. Getting a person to change can be as hard as
giving a lion a Tic Tac and most people simply don’t want to endure that kind
of bite. We all know people who want
to eat WHATEVER they want. They crave certain unhealthy foods because they like
the taste or because they grew up eating it. Despite the results of one’s diet
and lifestyle being debilitating or lethal, the pattern persists. In addition
to this, there are real issues of access to healthy food and resources that are
a true disadvantage. Taking medication or getting a kid to “pop a pill” (which
is much harder than it sounds), is easier than the lifestyle change that may be
required to deal with some of the causes of ADHD symptoms. Limited means, lack
of knowledge, and no support are real issues that many well-meaning parents face.
The harder you cringe at the idea of your child (or any child)
using behavior modifying medication, the more seriously you should consider
some healthy lifestyle changes which most parents (regardless of economic
status) can employ. These simple and practical
changes can have a dramatic impact on your child’s behavior and are good for
kids whether or not they have an ADHD diagnosis. Here are some things for all
of us to consider as parents:
Question
#1: Does my child consistently get enough sleep?
Many American children are sleep deprived. Kids don’t get to have
the cup(s) of coffee to start their day like many overworked and overextended
parents. One study showed that nearly 10% of Kindergarten through 4th
graders actually fall asleep at school (3). I don’t know about you, but one of
the clear signs that my oldest child is over-tired is a spike in hyperactivity.
This is why it’s important to get kids down before they become “dog tired.” Many
parents are not consistent with bedtime because they feel guilty due to various
work commitments. However we do our kids no favors when we leave them
undisciplined due to our inconsistency or feelings of guilt. Sleep is necessary
for the body to repair itself and it is an important part of growth and
development in children. Buckle down, set a bedtime, and demonstrate to your
child that you know best by sticking to it. Three weeks or less of hard work is
worth the good habit you are sowing into your child.
Question
#2: What am I feeding my kid?
What we eat says a lot about our
lifestyle, income, and access to food. The question for parents regardless of
income and time is “what is the best I can do nutrition-wise for my children?”
Recent research shows just how crucial this may be when dealing with
hyperactivity and inattentiveness in children. Dr. Bernard
Weiss, a professor of environmental medicine at the University of Rochester
School of Medicine and Dentistry, reports that food additives can sometimes impact
a child’s behavior (2). One recent study even called for parents to purchase only
organic food to combat the likelihood of ADHD. Some artificial food colors and preservatives
like sodium benzoate have been liked to “aggravated hyperactivity in two groups
of children without ADHD — 3-year-olds and 8- to 9-year-olds.(4)” Considering
there is a pot of collard greens (with pork) on my stove right now, I am not
advocating that parents force their kids to eat like rabbits, however I am arguing
that from research and common sense, it’s clear to see that we are what we eat.
For kids and adults the better we eat, the better we perform. Not only will “Big Momma’s” discipline be
helpful, but also her kitchen. If it comes down to a choice between snapping
peas or popping pills, this sister is going to snap some peas. As a working mother, I understand why this is
so difficult. Some practical suggestions include having assigned cooking days
where you make and package healthy meals. A healthy leftover beats carry out,
overly-processed or fast-food any day.
Question
#3: Given their age, do I have the right expectations for my child?
I encourage parents to not raise their children in a bubble. We
often don’t have an adequate sense of what is normal or standard behavior for
our child’s age range. Teachers have an advantage as parents, because they have
a sense of what children of certain ages are like in general. The amount of
energy that a healthy child can expend is mind boggling to an adult. Most
parents don’t have the stamina to hang with their energetic children, because
of the demands of work life and/or lack of exercise. It may feel like our
children are hyperactive when we don’t have the energy to engage with them. Our
world is in slow motion and theirs is on fast-forward. Engaging in some
physical activities with our kids whether indoors or outdoors, will benefit
both the adults and kids. Just remember to stretch before playing your Wii.
Question
#4: Does my child have trauma or emotional issues that require help and
support?
Another serious issue to consider is that many symptoms of ADHD in
children are similar to symptoms of trauma in children. If your child is in a high stress environment
(neighborhood violence, argumentative parents, and/or a victim of abuse) they
need the space to process the anxiety associated with these experiences. If
not, their behavior will show forth the frustration and fear that is under the
surface. Consulting with another wise and respected parent, your pastor, or a
counselor may offer you the insight to better contextualize your child’s
behavior and give them the support to grow into emotionally healthy young
adults.
Question
#5: Does my child believe that trying hard matters?
“Effort optimism” is a term that relates to how strongly a student
believes that hard work will pay off. A
strong conviction generally results in greater success and can become a
self-fulfilling prophecy reinforcing that belief. When kids don’t think their
efforts will produce desirable results they lose needed incentive to work hard.
The lack of success they experience reinforces the belief that their efforts
mean little. This is an important
concept to consider among our children and ourselves. Why work hard when you
think nothing will work out for you anyway?
When good grades or behavior don’t get my parents’ attention, why try?
As parents, we are often geared to notice misbehavior. But
noticing and praising the behavior that is healthy and productive is likely to
reinforce it and make it occur more.
Dr.
Edmondson’s Practical Tip: Try this one evening. (This works best for an
elementary school aged child). First, get a large clear container and label it
“success” or “hard work”. Every time you notice your child behaving well
(setting the table, being kind to siblings, reading a book, using manners,
complying immediately, etc.)show them the cotton ball and say “you are on your
way to success.” It is your job to notice the good behavior and reward it
consistently. At the end of a couple of hours, show your child the container. It
should be filled up. By this point your child will learn a couple of visible
lessons.
1. My parent(s) sees and
notices me.
2. Good behavior pays off
3. Hard work leads to success
4. Accomplishment feels
good
I encourage you to be creative and discover interventions that fit
the uniqueness of your child.
Question
#6: Do I have a support team?
Finally, having a support team is essential when dealing with a
hyperactive or inattentive child. Why? Because parents need a break! Even an hour of downtime can help the mental
health of a hardworking parent. You need to be recharged so that you can give
your child the best you. It also teaches them that people (even parents) need
space and that respecting your boundaries are important.
Parenting is hard work, sweat on your brow, hidden tears, and
prayer-whispering, hard work. While
parents need some confidence to demonstrate their authority in the home, it is
unhealthy when a parent thinks they “know it all” and the shear biological ability
to produce a kid constitutes knowing how to raise one.
It is both a protective and loving instinct for parents to be slow
to accept a label or diagnosis regarding their child. With this being said, some
kids DO need professional help. Parenting requires standing your ground for
your child but also having the humility to seek and accept help. I know you
agree that our kids are worth it.
1. http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/medicating/adhd/diagnostic.html
2. http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/11/18/health.food.additives.adhd/index.html
3. http://www.med.umich.edu/yourchild/topics/sleep.htm
Christina H. Edmondson, PhD, LLP is a
psychologist, college instructor and speaker. Although, much of her time and
love are spent being a full-time wife and a mother of two. Please send family
and relationship topics that you would like to hear about to drchristinaedmondson@gmail.com or visit drchristinaedmondson.wordpress.com.
drchristinaedmondson 